Would to God I had. And for many years, that was the way it was. She didn’t trust Gianfrancesco, you know, she called him a ‘bad husband’. The sun was all but gone now, the horizon a deep shade of purple. The sky was dripping a wet, slow rain that had forced the city’s inhabitants into taxicabs and dingy cafeterias, the day wholly ruined for all except the insane schizophrenics and her. In fine, to marry Ruth (if she would consent) as a punishment for what he had done! To whip his soul so long as he lived, but to let his body go free! To provide for her, to work and dream for her, to be tender and thoughtful and loyal, to shelter and guard her, to become accountable to God for her future. She read for half an hour, then closed the book because Spurlock appeared to have fallen asleep. Ruth did not reply, but stared past the doctor, her eyes misty. Back, that you may be close together. ‘You wish to die?’ ‘Not in the least. But in between these wider phases of comparative confidence were gaps of disconcerting doubt, when the universe was presented as making sinister and threatening faces at her, defying her to defy, preparing a humiliating and shameful overthrow. My Great Grandma 39 LeFevre had fourteen children, and my Papa said that she started at the age of thirteen. I shall never come back.
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